Hey Lovelies!
Over the weekend Aiden and I saw someone that we haven't seen in about a year and a half. And after hanging with her for a bit, she looked at me, smiled, and said, "Now you look like a mother."
While I'm not entirely sure what she meant by that comment, judging by her peaceful, content, and assuring smile, I'm going to take it as a compliment. Hey, sometimes you have to pat yourself on the back, right?
You see, this time last year, I wasn't always sure of my approaches and myself as a mother. I mean, I knew that I had to take care of Aiden and handle all of the particulars and technicalities of his everyday life. But what else?
What if I had to make an on-the-spot decision concerning him?
What if I had to reprimand him in front of others? What would they think of me? What if he threw a tantrum? In public? What would I do? Would I just give him the candy to hush him up (which I've done), cover his mouth (which I've also done!), or brave the stares from his audience?
What about days when I felt totally and completely overwhelmed? Would I look sure of myself or like I didn't know what the heck I was doing?
Babies don't come with manuals, ya know?!
I can honestly admit that not only did I NOT know what the heck I was doing, I also did NOT know how to hide it either. I looked unsure. When Aiden was an infant, I did a pretty good job at faking my sureness and certainty. After all, all he did was just sit there. But when he became mobile, I was totally flabbergasted. And it showed. A lot.
But you live and you learn. And I've learned a lot about myself and my Aiden in this past year and a half. I finally feel sane again... almost as if I'm coming into my own. Almost. I finally feel like I'm swimming instead of sinking in this thing called motherhood.
And although everyday isn't perfect and I don't feel totally confident everyday, I was able to feel a little pride and joy in that single moment when a 30-something year old woman and mother said to me, "Now you look like a mother."
Smooches,
SweetAl
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It does sound like she meant it as a compliment. I think that it takes all first time moms-young and older-to find that comfort level in parenting. We all go through that stage where we're not sure if we're doing a good job of not screwing our kids up for life. But if you love them and really take responsibility as a parent to teach them right from wrong and good morals then the rest will fall into place.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think it takes time to be comfortable as "Mommy." Not just the title but everything that comes along with it. Like you, I was sure of myself until my kids starting walking and talking. Then I was like, "Ohhhh, they're KIDS now. Crap!" :)
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure it was a compliment. I think we all have fears about being a parent. The one thing I realized pretty early is that no one is perfect and we all are winging it everyday. We all hope and pray we can get through not just the day but the next hour.
ReplyDeleteI dont want to say it gets easier but somedays you will smile and be thrilled to be a mom and some days when you are like yikes! Help!
You are doing a great job. Moms never hear it enough
http://www.nycsinglemom.com
Thanks for the support lovelies! It definitely takes time to become comfortable with being a mother -- especially once they become little people. Judging by your blogs, you ALL are doing a fantabulous job! No, everyday is not great, but we live and we learn.
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