Thursday, November 3, 2011
Is It Wrong to Only Have One Child?
One day while I was at the beauty salon getting all dolled up, my Hair Dresser inquired about Aiden. She's met him on several different occasions and simply adores his spunky personality. So much so that each time I go in for a hair appointment, she asks about him. It's typically the usual questions ("How is he?"), comments ("He's speaking so clearly"), and exclamations ("I can't believe he's getting so big!").
Then the dreaded question - "So, when are you having another child?"
Hmmm.
My Hair Dresser knows that I am a single Mother so I told her that I have no plans to have another child any time soon. I also informed her that I'd like to continue with my career path (since I recently completed graduated school), meet someone, build a relationship with them, and then maybe try for another child. Maybe.
Her response? "That's so selfish of you! Having a second child is not for you, it's for Aiden! He needs someone to play with."
Hmmm.
Hold up. When did my reproductive decisions become an approved topic for "Beauty Parlor etiquette?" Is my reproductive decision an approved topic for "Beauty Parlor etiquette?"
Didn't think so.
The thing is, as any caring parent does, I want to be able to provide the best things in life for Aiden - a good education, a nice home, meaningful extra-curricular activities, lovely people in his entourage. All those things cost money, save for the lovely people in his entourage (but I'm beginning to think that eventhat costs money).
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Great post and I totally agree with you. We are not sure we want #2 and people feel so strongly about it its crazy.
ReplyDeleteYes, great post! There is nothing wrong with a family of two. I think Aiden is blessed beyond measure. You have created so many great memories for him and it looks like he is grooming to a wonderful young man(boy). People will always ask when a woman is having another child. It kind of gets annoying after a while.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the hair dresser is out of line. We want a second child but there are two of us. If I was doing the mommy thing solo - my son would be definitely an only. Heck, I'm an only because my mom was a single mom and didn't want to have more kids if she wasn't married. Makes perfect sense to me. You know I have nothing but respect for single mommyhood. It's not easy and for someone to think you're selfish for being logical is ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteYes that's a difficult one. There should be no guilt in feeling the need to provide your child with a sibling. Everyone's situation and environment is different. No one other person should tell you what works best for you. I had a friend tell me that I need to have another child or else Mia will be weird. Shocking coming from anyone, but especially her.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I think that you're making a very responsible decision. Not taking on more than you handle and afford applies to having kids too. I'm glad you're not letting others pressure you into baby #2.
ReplyDeleteOMG - I have this conversation all the time!!!! I am an only child and when I tell people that I am - they say I must be selfish... Umm thanks. And when I say I'm not sure about number 2 they say she will be selfish. I actually have a blog that's been sitting for weeks about only children getting a bad wrap and I can't get through it because I get so heated about this. Great blog. I have nothing against either option but it is my choice. and Yes, I have had this conversation in a beauty parlor. SMH
ReplyDeleteI remember EVERYONE asked me if we going to have more children after T. was 2years or so. I was convinced that she was the one and only and she was for almost 8 years! Then looked what happened! Relationships change and families grow and contract. You have PLENTY of time!
ReplyDeleteLike you said hmmmmmm......sounds like that hair dresser has issues of their own. I would delete that conversation out of my memory bank and move on. Wow, the nerve of some people. I have one son and he is well balanced and a great human being. It is better to raise one child right than to have five and make a total mess of their lives.
ReplyDeleteI always wanted two kids and watching TV shows and movies with large family's during the holiday season makes the desire to have more than one kid even stronger. But then I get back into reality and realize what I have is good and my son has tons of cousins and if we only have one kid he will get so many more opportunities. I am still undecided but want to make my own choices and not feel pressured into such a huge decision as having another kid!
ReplyDeleteDarn, tried to comment over on the other site and couldnt find a link to do so. Maybe you have to be a registered member of the site...?
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo - good post! Having grown up with 3 sisters, and we're all very close, I'm of course an advocate of giving your child a sibling aka built-in-best-friend. This is what inspired me and DH to have the boys 19 months apart (same spacing as me and my older sis). With that said, i TOTALLY understand your decision to wait before trying for Kid #2 (if you decide to at all). Kids *aint* cheap, thats number 1. In an ideal world, I'd have more... but until child care starts being free that simply isnt happening. And, of course, i totally understand your desire to meet someone nice and then have a child with him... and that's something that just cant be rushed.
That was kind of judgmental of your stylist. I'm hoping she was saying it in a joking/tongue-in-cheek manner, because having kids is such a deeply personal decision, and its really a choice that only the mom can make!
@Cam -- right?! Thank you!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat Article!!! ...I feel like I field this question on a DAILY basis...
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are SO content with Connor...I just launched my own business and really feel fulfilled...just when I thought I had it all figured out..EVERYONE starts asking, so when are you having number 2? I feel guilty saying I haven't even thought about it. Truth be told, we might be thinking about it for 2012...but whether we are or not is for our family to decide, not to be made to feel guilty for just enjoying like as it is...A family of 2, 3, 4 as long as you are happy, fulfilled the number shouldn't be the ingredient.
Oh...Alicia, to answer your question about the maxi..YES you should try it with heels AND I think tighter fit (as opposed to the lose flowy maxis) are better for looking taller/longer....
Hope you had a great weekend.
C
I get this so much and my kid is 12. I knew the day he came into the world I was DONE and I still feel that way. He doesn't have a problem using his imagination to entertain himself and I've always enjoyed playing with him. If those who are inquiring aren't well off and willing to help you provide Aiden and the child they dream of for you with the things needed to experience the life you want to provide then they should kindly refrain from this discussion.
ReplyDelete