Ever so often something happens that makes the decision that I made to end things with Aiden's other parent sting a little. Just a little though. Don't get me wrong, I never regret the decision. But I do think about the impact it has on Aiden. Because it does have a huge impact on him.
A couple days ago the sting came during a conversation between Aiden and me.
Aiden: "My dad plays football." That's the sentence I used when [my teacher] asked me to think of a sentence with the word 'plays'.
Me: That sentence works fine.
Aiden: Well... I don't have a dad. But I said that sentence anyway.
Enter the sting.
I tried to search for the words to respond to Aiden. But nothing seemed to suffice. I thought about making a joke about it. But I couldn't think of a witty response fast enough. I thought about proclaiming to Aiden that, although he hasn't seen him in a long time, he does, in fact, have a dad. But I didn't want to dismiss his thoughts and feelings.
I thought and thought, but I couldn't muster up a response to Aiden's comment. I stared at him as he searched my face for a response. But I just stood there, frozen.
I've written about this before. I've thought about this before. Countless times. I've felt sorry about this before -- sorry that I didn't pick a better parenting partner to help me raise Aiden; sorry that Aiden doesn't get to call someone "daddy" everyday; sorry that Aiden doesn't have the security in a father that he deserves. Just... sorry.
But I can't let myself go down that road. It's a downward spiral that's ineffective.
These are the cards that Aiden and I have been dealt. The only thing I can do is make peace with the situation, move forward, rock this single mom thing out, and show Aiden that life is about making the best of what you have.
Eventually, I pulled myself together, smiled, and said, "You have me." With confidence and with reassurance. Because he does have me.
Always and forever.
You did the right thing. And you do so many good things with Aiden, that I'm sure he knows how much you love him.
ReplyDeleteThat sting gets me from time to time as well. *sigh* but you are fabulous mommy! :) <3 hugs to you both!
ReplyDeleteAs single moms, when moments like these happen it can be hard. But be honest with your son and tell him he does have a dad. He's just not with the family. And it's OK. Continue to support your son and do all the wonderful things you do with him.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing what you're doing, I think you're amazing!
ReplyDeleteAnd he has an awesome Mom! These times hurt because THIS is not what we had planned but just reassure him that he does have a dad he just cant be there. You did good
ReplyDeleteAww this breaks my heart. I hate hearing about absent fathers and when children become aware... Your response was great :)
ReplyDeleteI think you gave him the perfect reply. maybe "dad" will come around one day. until then, you are more than enough mommy+!
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Aiden does have you and you are doing a fabulous job at raising him as a single parent! It sucks that his father has chosen to not be a responsible parent, but you're your part and that's all that you can do is reassure him that you have his back always.
ReplyDeleteI feel that sting, too sometimes. My daughter who is 5 is starting to become more aware and make comments. She's been asking a lot of questions lately too that I really don't have the answers to. Like "why didn't my daddy call or see me on my birthday?" What do you even say to that?! I wish we weren't in this situation but all I can do is my best and be the best mommy I can be for her.
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