August Kingston, One Month Old

Day 2

They warned me about it, those parents of two or more kids. They told me how much harder it would be when I have two children instead of one. They told me about the delicate dance of splitting my time between two kids, instead of giving all my time and energy to one.

From the moment I gave that final push and my doctor said, "Open your eyes... your baby is here.", I accepted the challenge with my entire heart.

It's been five weeks since I've welcomed baby August into my world and I am so, so in love. And I'm surprised at how I'm approaching this whole mother-of-two thing. I'm surprising myself about how I'm feeling about August's newborn stage versus how I felt with Aiden's newborn stage eight years ago.

I'm calmer, more cooler, more collected, more patient, more present...

Week One

Aiden and I are sitting on the train, heading home from his after-school soccer practice. August is snuggled in his stroller, which is positioned right in front of us. It's rush hour, and, needless to say, the train car is packed. I finish reading a chapter of the book to Aiden that he and I are currently reading, and now we're talking about his day at school, which was pretty amazing, by the way.

August starts squirming around in his stroller. I take a peek in and see that the pacifier is no longer in his mouth. I put the pacifier in his mouth and he settles back into a light sleep. A few stops later, he starts squirming around again. Then, his arms start flailing. Then, he starts crying.

I nursed him not too long ago so I know he's not hungry. He just wants to get out of the stroller and be cuddled. He cries when he wants to be cuddled. Loudly. So I unbuckle him and take him out in the hopes of settling him down.

He's still crying. Loudly. And now, everyone on the train is looking at him. Me. Us.

I can feel Aiden tensing up while sitting next to me, hoping that August settles down and falls back asleep. He doesn't. Instead he continues to cry.

I rock him, stroke his face, and sing a silly song in his ear. He's hot so I take off his hat and unbutton his winter onesie coat thingy. More rocking, more singing, more stroking of his face.

But he's still crying and Aiden's still tense.

Week Two

I know how Aiden's feeling right now on this here train car because I recognize how this feeling all too well.

I used to feel the same way when he was an infant and would cry in public. Whenever he'd cry in the privacy of our own home, I was calm and cool. But in public... not even close. I would literally freeze up in fear... hoping, praying, begging him to stop crying. Instead of tending to Aiden, I'd be more focused on the stares from strangers who I just knew were judging the fact that I was a young mom. Didn't matter if the stares were real or imagined, I'd still focus on that instead of on Aiden.

Week Two

But, not today. Not in this moment. In this moment, I'm sitting on a crowded rush hour train and all I can see are August and Aiden, My two babies. I'm so focused on soothing them that I don't see the other folks around me. Judging. (Or not.)

In this moment, my babies need me.

I start singing a silly made-up song about how many stops he have left and Aiden starts laughing. August stops crying and starts studying my face and voice. Right here, in this moment, I'm mothering my two babies. I'm calm, cool, collected, patient, and present.

And it feels good.

Week Three

Week Four

August has already changed so much in this past month and I want to soak it all up. He exclusively nursed for about three-and-a-half weeks. Until I decided that this momma needs to be able to sleep at night. So I started pumping so that HEB can feed August at night too. This happened just as August decided to start sleeping for longer stretches. But, of course.

Then I had a mini freak-out and suddenly decided that I needed to pumped and save all the milk. Like, all the milk. So, for an entire week, I was focused on my milk supply. Then, I decided to chill the eff out because the milk ain't going nowhere and I'll always have enough to feed the baby. Always.

Nowadays he's more alert, stays awake more during the day, cooing and taking in his surroundings. He also spends more time studying his hands, trying to get them into his mouth. His eye-hand coordination is improving because most of the time he gets his hands into his mouth and sucks like there's no tomorrow. Loudly. (This is how I know I'm in love because I swear, I've never seen something so cute in my entire life!)

One Month

He loves hugs and kisses, being in his Moby Wrap, and going for a walk in his stroller. He loves staring at pictures of Aiden. He loves napping on my chest or HEB's chest. And he loves, loves, loves sucking on anything that you put near his mouth. Seriously, a cheek, a nose, a boob, his pacifier, his hands... it's all fair game. 

And I'm just taking it all in and soaking it all up. 

More calmer, cooler, collected. More patient, more present.