Embracing A Messy First Birthday with Bounty

There’s a saying that I always use when describing this thing called motherhood – “The days are long, but the months and years are short.” No matter how many things I still haven’t gotten done from my never-ending to-do list, or how exhausted I am at the end of each long day, in retrospect, the months and years always seem short.

Time flies when you’re a mom.

I cannot believe that this week Aiden turned nine-years-old. And I cannot believe that in just two short months, August will be turning one.

Aiden’s birthday has always been a very special day to me – not just because it’s a day that I celebrate his awesomeness, but it’s also a day that I celebrate single motherhood. I made it. Another year. He’s healthy and happy. Another year.

We made it. We’re making it.

August’s first birthday will be even more special. Not because I love him more or anything like that, but because it’ll be a celebration of surviving my first year as a single mom of two.

While I’m looking forward to the singing and dancing and taking pictures to capture special moments, the thing that I’m looking forward to the most is the first cake smashing!

Not gonna lie, there’s going to be cake and frosting all over his face, body, clothes, and high chair. And the cake may even find it’s way to the walls and floors. It’s gonna be a big ‘ol mess!

But luckily, I’ll have a roll of Bounty on hand to absorb the mess quickly. Not only is Bounty 2x more absorbent that the leading ordinary paper towel brand, it can also last 50% longer, which can save this delicious single momma a ton of money in the long run. 

In fact, just a couple weeks ago, Aiden, August, and I attended a Bounty event where we put the quicker picker upper paper towel through the ultimate test. There was a little bit of cake decorating (for Aiden) and a lot of cake smashing (for August). And spills, stains, and splashes. Usually this would have caused me to feel some anxiety (I mean, who wants to clean that up?!), but it literally took 2-3 minutes to clean up the messes and put a smile back on my face. Score! 

Even though the planning part of August’s first birthday celebration will add to my never-ending to-do list and leave me a little more exhausted at the end of my already long day, I know that the actual celebration will come and go in the blink of an eye.

And I don’t want to spend the entire celebration tackling food splats, water spills, and messy fingerprints – I want to be able to look back and say that I enjoyed this memorable moment. I want to be able to say that the day was filled with love and hugs and yummy treats.

Thanks to Bounty, I’ll be able to focus on capturing the perfect shot of August smashing his birthday cake – a sign that he’s happy and healthy, a sign that this single mom thing isn’t so bad, and a sign that we made it… another year.

Thanks to Bounty, I’ll be able to focus on the moment, not the mess.

{Disclosure: This post is sponsored by Bounty. Thank you for support Mommy Delicious.}

August Kingston, 10 Months Old

August is eating all the things (he's got three teeth now!), dragging all the things, pulling down all the things, and vocalizing about all the things he approves or disapproves of. In other words, he's really coming into his own. It's been fun -- and exhausting! -- to witness.

He recently went through a growth spurt so we've had to buy him all new clothes. That wasn't so fun for my bank account, but kids fashion is kinda my thing, so hey...

August likes:

• Eating. Real food, not just that baby puree stuff anymore. And he yells when you don't give him the food on your plate. Or when you don't give it to him fast enough. 
• Bouncing up and down while holding on to things. His crib railing, the edge of the sofa, my legs. 
• Biting. (Let's just leave it at that.)
• Standing, attempting to balance and take a step, before falling and crawling to get there faster. 
• Clapping while giggling.
• Attempting to taste people's feet. (Is that weird? Don't answer that!)
• Taking pots, pans, and containers out of the kitchen cabinets.

August doesn't like:

• Getting dressed. There's something about having to sit still for longer than five seconds that rubs this baby the wrong way.
• When Aiden takes his soccer balls, footballs, and other toys away from August.
• When he eats all the food and there's nothing left to feed him. (Brace yourself for tears and get ready to distract him with something fun!)

I can't believe we're so close to him being a one-year-old and that we'll be planning his first birthday celebration soon. Time truly flies when you're having fun!

Podcasting On Dating, Relationships, and Love

All this time, I thought I was only interested in writing... blogging... communicating online. So when I was invited to be interviewed on DRL Dating, Relationships, and Love with Tennesha Wood, I hesitated.

Naturally.

I thought, What can I possibly say to a young, single mother that I didn't already write in a blog post?

And... What if I don't have anything to say? What if I suck at this whole 'talking-it-out' thing?

And when Tennesha told me that she doesn't provide guests with questions in advance, I was thisclose to canceling.

Word up!

But I stopped myself from sabotaging myself, I got out of my own way, I acknowledged my fears and insecurities... And I did it anyway.

And you know what?

It was so much fun!

Over amaretto sours, Tennesha and I chatted about so much! How I thought I was at the top of my game at 22 having graduated from Columbia, landed a job, and lived in a hip Brooklyn neighborhood. (Man... 22-year-olds think they know e'rything! I didn't know nothing!) How I got pregnant and hit rock bottom. But most importantly, how I picked up the pieces, started dating as a single mother, and became known as Mommy Delicious.

I also talked about a few things that I've never shared here before, like how I found out Aiden's other parent was cheating on me (hint: Myspace was involved) and I dropped a few gems as well about how to maintain your sanity and sense of self as a single momma tryna find her own way and raise healthy babies.

Turns out, I don't only like writing and blogging on the Internets. I like talking too! And I don't suck at it. At all.

Check out Dear Mama, the latest podcast on DRL Dating, Relationships, and Love with Tennesha Wood featuring yours truly! You will laugh, you might get angry (in solidarity with ya girl!), and you will feel inspired.

Oh, and tell a friend to tell a friend!

On Scrapping Your Knees, But Getting Back Up Again

 Not gonna lie, I have a lot of scars. 

Some physical ones, but mostly emotional ones. There are from all the wars and battles and bumps and bruises that I've had to soldier through, push pass, fall down and get back up again.

But... how? 

That's the question that I get a lot from folks.

Alicia, how did you find yourself in an abusive relationship? Alicia, how did you come to terms with being a single mom? Alicia, how did you get through grad school as a single mom who'd recently broken up with Aiden's other parent? Alicia, how did you find it in you to unapologetically pursue your career goals?

Alicia... how? 

How? 

How did you get back up again and start to put the pieces of your life back together?

Not gonna lie, that fall from seemingly being in relationship nirvana and having the perfect family to, well, not, was painful. It hurt. A lot. Both physically and emotionally. But one thing that I've learned about myself is that I can get back up again. Gracefully. Over and over and over again.

The scars may still be there, I may still have some scrapes on my knees, but I can always get back up again.

Which is why I was so excited when someone that I admire and trust very much told me about his new book. Entitled Scraped Knees: How to Get Up Once You've Fallen by Ernst Cochy, the book is chock-full of gems on identifying the different types of falls in you may experience in your life.

But Pastor Cochy takes it a step further.

He focuses on the how. He understands that it's not enough to dwell on the actual fall (be it a painful fall, an embarrassing fall, or other types of falls we may experience), but that the victory comes from getting back up again. The victory comes picking up the pieces, from dusting ourselves off again, and soldiering on.

That part of the book was most helpful. And yet, that's not what I love most about the it. What I love the most is that it's a very quick and easy read. In fact, I read it in about 45 minutes (and that's only because I kept stopping to highlight, reflect, and scream, "Yes!! This is SO my life!"

Pastor Cochy gets it. And he's using all of "it" to help us be successful in this journey called life.

Do yourself a favor and buy up the book. (It's literally $7.) You'll be a little stronger, faster, and wiser because of it.

{Disclosure: I received a copy of the book in order to facilitate this review. All opinions expressed herein are my own -- the book is really a dope read!}

So... We're In Family Therapy

via google

The past year-and-a-half has been filled with ups and downs, trials and triumphs, stresses and some successes. Especially where it pertains to Aiden. He's had a lot of challenges to deal with -- from the resurfacing of his "other" parent, meeting with the child attorney, supervised visitation with his "other" parent at Safe Horizon, custody hearings, unsupervised visits, a new baby, a new title as a big brother, and... and... and...

He's been acting out. He's been trying to find a sense of control in a world that he can't control. Behaviorally, he's regressed, at times. He'll have streaks of really great weeks and streaks of not-so-great weeks.

Ups and downs.

Trials and triumphs.

Stresses and some successes.

It's been hard, to say the least. For the both of us, if I could be completely honest.

And while I've been trying to help him feel worthy and loved and successful and cared for in the midst of turmoil, while I've been trying to be the one constant that he has in the midst of confusion, while I've been trying to muster up the strength to keep on fighting for him until he's fully thriving... it's been hard.

I'm still trying though.

I'm meeting with his teachers, school psychologist, and principal. We're making plans for him and re-evaluating the plans that are already in place. I'm talking to him about school and, even though he doesn't like it all the time, reiterating that it's important. I'm texting and calling and checking in with him throughout the day. I'm giving him small goals to meet every day, every few days, and every week. I'm celebrating him when he's successful. I'm talking to him when he makes bad choices. I'm trying to consistently hold him accountable for his actions and let him see how his actions affects those around him (at home and at school).

But... it's a lot. And it's been hard.

Exhausting at times.

Overwhelming at times.

And, quite frankly, this ish is above my pay grade.

And so.

I'm vulnerable enough (and smart enough?) to recognize when I need help. And not just venting-to-my-homegirl-during-Friday-night-happy-hour-or-Saturday-afternoon-brunch help.

But professional help.

Co-parenting had failed. Miserably. But, I've said this before: I've got to put things in place so that Aiden can deal with this loss or this void or this... stuff in an effective way.

So last month, I called my insurance, got recommendations for family therapists, interviewed a couple of them, and picked one that my soul attached to. It's been a few weeks that she's seen Aiden and me so far, and I've got to say... I shoulda thought of this sooner!

The great thing about kids is that they are exactly who they are, no matter who is around them. So she gets to see exactly who Aiden is and exactly how he acts when he's upset or uncomfortable or frustrated. And she's been very helpful in giving him tips (and me tips!) that'll help him thrive.

The scars are still there. The stuff is still there. But now we can focus on how to deal with it all. And how to heal.

After all, that's the goal, right?